The bastards are at it again. This time the terrorist Mother Nature is set to unleash her Avian Flu weapon on the innocent. And once again we have actionable intelligence about the threat-and yet no bombs are falling.
We need direct assaults on every chicken in our country. We need to round them up in re-education camps and pluck out their feathers one by one, convert them to Christianity, and then kill them all. Only then will the Free World be, well, free of this terrorist scum.
Chickens are the worst kind of terrorist. They peck around, acting all nonchalant, like they are looking for worms or something. But the second we turn our heads, they unleash their WMD’s. And they are everywhere. Their sleeper cells, code named “Henhouses”, are dens of anti-Americanism. And these residences of evil are literally sitting right in the backyards of many unsuspecting Americans.
What will it take for the public to wake up and take action? Me and the wife did our part and ate one of these terrorist bastards last night. Its hard to spread terror when you are covered in a yummy brown sauce and served up with vegetables and rice.
I even spotted some potential terrorists at the store this morning. They were hidden in a carton marked “eggs”. I recommend to every freedom lover to immediately check their refrigerator for these little bastards, and if you find any, fry their asses! Send a message that your home will not harbor terrorists.
There are some good Americans out there doing their part. Col. Sanders has been successfully eradicating these terrorists for years. And those cows on the billboard over on the freeway have been telling us to “Eat More Chicken” for years. But still the threat persists.
I am calling on all Americans to do their part and eat a terrorist today. Fry them, grill them, I don’t care what method of torture you use, just consume their delicious, juicy flesh before they have the chance to attack and kill your family.
And remember to wash your hands after handling their carcasses.
update After the news we got on Friday, I just needed some humor in my life. This will be my last post until we return from Ohio.
the annatopia.com weblog archives 
October 10, 2005 at 7:10 pm
This is some really funny shit. Mr. Annatopia needs to ask Mrs. Annatopia to allow him to file these “Mother ‘Terra’ Nature” posts in an archive other than ‘monkey business’. I’d love to be able to reference them all from one place for future re-reading.
October 10, 2005 at 7:25 pm
Holy Crap I laughed so loud my co-workers thought I went insane. I seriously want to bring these writings to life.
October 10, 2005 at 8:37 pm
You so rock! These are absolutely hilarious. The funniest part about it is that they are written in a way that I can actually audibly hear George Jr. reading, I mean speaking them, to an audience. That’s a laugh riot.
October 10, 2005 at 8:43 pm
Maybe, though, the cows are merely trying to draw attention away from themselves. I recall certain attacks brought on by the cows themselves – mad cow disease – for instance.
Let’s also not forget that insects have been recruited by terror organizations to spread the west nile virus as well.
Terror, is everywhere. Thank you for taking the time to make us more “aware.”
October 11, 2005 at 12:57 pm
yea, i really need to put these all into a singular archive. i’ll get that done today and suprise the monkey when he returns from ohio.
October 11, 2005 at 1:08 pm
ok, done. i put them all into one category that can be easily referenced. you folks better remember that when the koufax awards come around again. =)
October 11, 2005 at 1:51 pm
I’m late in ringing in, but continued, hysterical brilliance. Yeah, definitely worth a Koufax push!! 🙂
October 11, 2005 at 7:07 pm
What’s a Koufax?
October 11, 2005 at 8:26 pm
percy, they are basically the lefty weblog awards. nominees are submitted by readers, then wittled down to the top few vote getters. then folks have a few weeks to vote. it’s pretty cool and a great way to expand your blog reading list. i found some excellent blogs to add to my bookmarks each year. last year we got a few nominations but didn’t make it to the final round. ’tis all good, though, as we were happy to have been nominated.
it’s run by wampum.wabanaki.net
October 11, 2005 at 9:36 pm
OMG, blew Dr. Pepper out my nose funny…thanks I needed that!
You have my nomination! 🙂
October 11, 2005 at 10:18 pm
Thanks Ms. Annatopia – I checked it out. How do we get nominated and all that good stuff. I checked out the winners from last year and saw that Dkos was there.
It makes me feel kinda bad that I post such crap most of the time. I will work on that. Kinda busy the next two weeks or so – bear with me.
October 12, 2005 at 10:12 am
michelle – howdy to a first-time commenter. *waves* the monkey will be pleased that he helped ruin your keyboard. 😉
percy, blog readers submit the nominations. you can basically nominate any blog post for whatever category it fits in. and hey if you looked at last year’s winners, you have GOT TO READ “poker with dick cheney” which if i remember correctly, won for funniest post last year…
ah yes, it did win. go read this, but i warn you, do not be drinking anything when you do, otherwise you will spit it all over your keyboard:
http://www.thepoorman.net/archives/002789.html
October 12, 2005 at 1:40 pm
This may not be the best place to ask this, but while we’re on the subject of expanding blog horizons, I’ve got a bunch that are on my list, but I seem to only find time to check in on a few…many languishing between visits. For example, this and monkey’s are my first stops of the day, I usually check in at dKos and Booman Tribune. Then on a somewhat regular basis I’m over at MyDD and My Left Wing. Even less regularly I try to hit TPM, Liberal Street Fighter, The Rude Pundit, Eschaton, AmericaBlog, Billmon, The Black Commentator… And it gets further and further in between meandering about…and yes, I know some of them ‘technically’ aren’t blogs, but whatever.
Anna, you’ve got so many good ones on your blog roll…as do others. I guess my question is…if folks only have got time for maybe three visits, I’m curious as to where all y’all go? Which blogs are your “must visit” and so on down your priority line? Everyone?
October 12, 2005 at 2:53 pm
ok… i will try. this is based on the political blog links on my bogroll.
daily: mydd, dkos (although the signal to noise ratio is pretty bad over there lately), my left wing (which i am nominating for best new blog when the koufaxes come around), rising hegemon
4-6 times per week: jesus’s general, billmon, steve gilliard, americablog, WTF is it now
2-3 times per week: skippy, body & soul, lefterer, liberal street fighter (i need to comment over there more often), burnt orange report
i catch up on everything else on my blogroll on the weekends. literally. i’ll scan through the rss feeds that i’ve got setup, and read what seems interesting. i don’t get the chance to comment as often as i used to, but i do try to read it all.
i have been trying lately to read more blogs that make me laugh. i guess i’m sick of crying and bitching. under the “high-larious” section in the blogroll are a bunch of blogs that crack me up. i LOVE birdparty, although it is totally NSFW and extremely offensive. LOVES IT!!! i have also been looking into other interests. i’m a big music fan so i always read stereogum and grapejuice plus, and the mp3 blogs aggregator is where i waste a lot of my time. and of course there are a lot of personal blogs i read that are authored by my cyberfriends.